One minute I’m out, the next I’m at home. No more driving hours to see my friends. Now I just walk. No more “designated driver” (hence water above) – no doubt I love living in the city.
But… since the “moving in” hype along with Christmas and New Year celebrations has finished, I have to say I miss a lot about my suburban life. I don’t want to go back there or anything, but I do miss it. A lot. I miss the quiet streets and the comfort I had walking around in more-or-less my pyjamas – which I don’t quite feel comfortable walking down Oxford Street in. I miss saying good morning to my mum and sisters as I pick up Bella, my sister’s schipperke, in the morning so that she can sit on my lap for the rest of the day. And more than anything I miss my Opa.
I miss his sense of humour. I miss his bright eyes. I miss looking after him, buying his groceries, cooking him dinner. Most of all I miss his company. I miss watching the news with him – I don’t think I’ve watched a single piece of news since he passed. I miss having him in the room, reading his paper as I do my writing and read my books. I miss drinking cups of tea, making his coffee with endless amounts of sugar and cream. I miss his insights into life – it’s shortness, it’s joys, it’s true meaning. I shed a tear for him every day. Today it’s been many. As time goes on it seems to be getting worse, not better. Maybe because “normality” is setting in. I’m going back to writing the book I wanted to finish writing while I was at his house. But now I’m not there. And neither is he.
I’m still receiving my Carer’s Pension, for the 14-weeks that follow his death. I’m trying to see this as his gift to me – as if there weren’t a enough already. But I’m trying to see this as the justification for me to not work for what must be another eight or so weeks. But it’s not easy. Not when I’m used to juggling hundreds of responsibilities and deadlines. How do you do that? How do you focus just on ONE thing???
But I will try. For him I will try. And for him I know I will succeed. I want to share this video of him, but I’m struggling to get the VOB file converted to youtube files… This may show some of the video, but not sure…
My favourite part was when my uncle asked, “If the whole world could see you now, what message would you have for them?”
And my Opa replied: “My message would be, first try to make peace everywhere. Instead of bashing each other up. With all these terrorists, there is no more love in the world. The world will go to pieces, I tell you that.”
You’d never guess I’m his granddaughter hey…
My second favourite was when my uncle asked him to “smile for five seconds” to which after about three seconds of showing big grin he laughed and said: “My dentures will fall out now.”
Anyway now after watching him on the video, and writing this, I feel a bit better. I am happy to be where I am, in my new home, and I know I’ll carry my Opa with me where-ever I go.