Tips for Communicating Inside Conflicts
While developing a handout for my conflict resolution/mediation class I came across a number of communication tips that I thought worth sharing. They are good for communication in general… although I will note I find them easier to say than do!
- Focus on behaviour not the person
- Base feedback on direct observations rather than inferences
- Use concrete behavioural descriptions not judgements to describe both positives and negatives.
- Avoid words of negation: ‘no’, ‘but’, ‘however’—they invoke a defensive response
- Use gradations — not “all”, “none”, “never”
- Watch body language: boredom, aggressive eyes, leaning forward—instead sit in relaxed way, leaning back as if on a sofa for a chat.
- Concentrate on what someone is feeling.
- Do not get defensive if they attack—think about why they are angry and what their needs are. Show understanding and empathy.
- Task is to elicit, suggest, propose don’t impose.
- Sentences end with question-mark not exclamation mark
- Respond rather than react
- Share ideas rather than giving advice
- Give feedback that is useful to the receiver and about things they can change, rather than getting everything off your own chest
- Give the amount of information that can be used not the amount that can be given [ie avoid information overload]
Empathy killers
- threatening - do it or else
- ordering – because i said so
- criticising – you…
- name calling – stupid idiot!
- should/ought - you ought to…
- withholding relevant info
- interrogating
- praising to manipulate
- diagnosing motives – you are always…
- untimely advice – if you…
- changing the topic
- persuading with logic
- topping – when I…
- refusing to address the issue - I can’t see a problem
- reassuring – ‘you’ll be fine’
Instead
- open body language, warm vocal tone
- encourage further elaboration and clarification
- display interest in what others communicate
- affirming statements
- support self-knowledge
- uncover complex needs and improve relationships
- use appropriate assertiveness
- make ‘I’ statements
- give appropriate feedback
- reduce blaming language
- share responsibility and decision making
- communicate your willingness to resolve
- giving appropriate acknowledgement and feedback
- recognise it is valuable to explore my part of the problem
Understand your emotions
- anger – shows need to change/communicate
- resentment – is immobilised anger – need to take responsibility for how you feel and change the situation
- hurt – tells us our needs are not being met, or self-esteem wounded
- fear – warns us to proceed with caution, seek help and separate fantasy from reality
- guilt – need to make amends/do things differently next time
- regret – of unfulfilled potential – need to accept it without denial
Manage emotions
- Acknowledge
- Breath
- Centre
- Decide (appropriate ways to express emotions)
- Engage
Designing options
- brainstorming
- range of creative alternatives
- see perspectives as part of a bigger picture
- analysis or mapping
- want what is fair for everyone
- define issues
- express needs and concerns
- ask questions
- reframe responses
Many tips to consider… and slowly incorporate into the way we communicate, in time…
References:
Quadan, A & Dan, K (2011) Community Mediation: Theory and Practice — Course Manual. Centre for Peace and Conflict Studies, University of Sydney
Galtung, J & Tschudi, F (2001) “Crafting Peace: On the Psychology of the TRANSCEND Approach” in Christie, D.J. Sagner, R.V & Winter D.D. (eds) Peace, Conflict and Violence Upper Saddle River, NJ: Prentice Hall.
Galtung, J (2007) “Peace by Peaceful Conflict Transformaiton – the TRANSCEND approach” Galtung, J & Webel C (eds) Handbook of Peace and Conflict Studies, New York: Routledge
Horowitz D & Laksin J Conflict Resolution Skills Workshop
Conflict Resolution Techniques
Today I’m teaching my class some conflict resolution techniques & tips… so I thought I’d share with you.
The aim of Galtung’s method is to transcend, to go beyond, the original conflicting interests, to achieve more than each party’s stated goals. Not either/or, but BOTH/AND…
Mediation is usually done with both parties present. For deep conflicts, the Transcend method recommends the mediator meet with one party at a time. Conducted in a conversation style setting – the hope is to join both parties together in a creative search for a new reality.
There are two psychological processes that this involves: (1) cognitive expansion and reframing; (2) an emotive shift in cathexis.

Conflict Iceberg from Quadan (2011).
We are aiming to identify the hidden motivations, needs and fears… these can then be divided into interests, values and needs… Burton’s Human Needs Theory (below) helps us to consider the differences and how to deal with what we identify:

Quadan’s Golden Rule of Mediation: The mediator owns the process and the parties own the content. The mediator doesn’t determine the outcome, parties do.
The point of departure is usually dualistic discourse reflecting a polarized conflict formation: the Other and his/her position are viewed negatively, and the Self and own position glorified. [Note that the following steps and communication tips are a culmination of the sources referenced at the bottom of this page.]
First round:
1. DIAGNOSIS: One of the parties, usually the one who initiated the mediation, is asked to briefly state his/her negative goals (fears/concerns) and his/her positive goals (hopes/expected outcomes). When did this go wrong and what could /should have been done at the time? The past is less threatening than what is unfolding before one’s eyes.
2. PROGNOSIS: Mediator reads back the parties’ stories as told by the parties. In no way try to dissuade the party from their goals, but probe more deeply into the nature of the goals. The broader the vision, the more likely new perspectives can be developed. And how do you think this is going to develop further? – all now anchored in what happened and what could have been done.
3. DEEPER DIAGNOSIS: Need to come to the party’s own diagnosis of the ‘situation’ and what he thinks the other parties’ diagnoses look like. What is underlying all of this?’ Take your time, be sure each theme has more or less been exhausted before moving on to the next.
4. NEW COGNITIVE SPACE: Party and conflict worker together construct a new cognitive space, framing the old goals as suboptimal, simplistic, and formulating broader goals. Don’t be so modest, go in for something better than what you used to demand! Explore whether all parties embrace the same points in the new cognitive space
5. THERAPY: What can be done about it? Then we come to the creative element: how can the needs of both parties be transcended?
E.g. for thinking outside the square: sexual infidelity looks different when four other ways of being unfaithful are considered: of the mind (secret love), of the spirit (no concern for partner’s life project), socially (no social support), and economically (secret account)
Question of what each party thinks is going to happen, and what he thinks the other parties are expecting.
Imagine things turns out the way you think they will: you win. How will the others react? Recognising the possibility of endless revenge cycles may spell disaster to Self. ie What would happen if we proceed along the following lines? How would life be for your children, grand children?
Second round:
6. Hand back to the parties, probe for sustainability together with the parties. What could make outcomes of these types stick? What are the vulnerabilities, the weak points?
7. Identify concrete steps for all parties.
If both parties reach conclusion that transcendence is preferable to other possibilities (continued struggle, withdrawal, compromise) then that is good, but even better if the transcendence withers away the other outcomes.
Ideally the solution comes from an inner conviction or inner acceptance. Often realists limit themselves to two forms of power: punishment and reward. Power from within individuals is far more effective than power over them. A good agreement is reversible. Only do what you can undo.
References:
Quadan, A & Dan, K (2011) Community Mediation: Theory and Practice — Course Manual. Centre for Peace and Conflict Studies, University of Sydney
Galtung, J & Tschudi, F (2001) “Crafting Peace: On the Psychology of the TRANSCEND Approach” in Christie, D.J. Sagner, R.V & Winter D.D. (eds) Peace, Conflict and Violence Upper Saddle River, NJ: Prentice Hall.
Galtung, J (2007) “Peace by Peaceful Conflict Transformaiton – the TRANSCEND approach” Galtung, J & Webel C (eds) Handbook of Peace and Conflict Studies, New York: Routledge
Horowitz D & Laksin J Conflict Resolution Skills Workshop
A Critical Perspective of the Media: Reading between the lines
Johan Galtung says that it’s not so much what is being said, but what is not being said. Today my class will be reflecting on the use of language and stories in the media.
Discussion questions:
- how do stories in the media impact our understanding of the world?
- how can we learn to “read between the lines”?
- how can awareness of narrative help us be more critical of media and politics?
- what is the story’s raison detre? ie why was a story told, what is the narrator is getting at?
Julia Bacha – One Story, One Film, Many Changes.
Chomsky – Manufacturing Consent (students to watch at home…)
Reading between the lines
Checklist for careful thinking:
- What is the source?
- What is the basic message?
- What is presented in support of the view?
- How is the message being conveyed?
- Who stands to gain? p. 28
Shaky foundations:
- Bold assertions
- Untrustworthy authorities
- Reasoning with the wrong facts
- Rationalisation
- Downright lying
- Faulty premise for an argument
- Hasty generalization
- Mistaking the cause
- False analogy
- Ignoring the question
- Begging the question
- Attacking the person not the argument
- Pointing to an enemy
- Misusing statistics
- Meshing fact with opinion
- Misusing terms whose meanings have changed p. 32-35
Formula for Propaganda: Scapegoat term = Groundless accusation in future + glittering generality. Eg Terrorists/Socialists threaten/plan to attack the political system/supermarket/middle class p. 58
Monitoring the media: prominence/space; use of photographs; sources; angle of the story; information provided; viewpoint of the reporter; reoccurring words p. 59
Propaganda techniques:
- Twisting and distortion; depicting black and white
- Selective omission
- Incomplete quotation
- Persuasive devices eg doctored/clipped photos , testimonials, generalities eg “He has American support because Americans always choose the wrong side”; name calling; innuendo eg. he had been promised a good job; baseless speculation
Between The Lines – Eleanor MacLean, 1981, Black Rose Books, Quebec
For further reading see my blog entry on Critical Discourse Analysis – click here
Psychology of Violence and Peace
Posting for convenience for a class I’m teaching… I’ll add more later.
Stanley Milgram Experiment and Zimbardo Stanford Prison Experiment:
Zeitgeist Moving Forward (2011) part 1 – Human Nature
From 9min-40min.
Social Construction of the “Self”
Alan Watts’
‘Briefly, the thesis is that the prevalent sensation of oneself as a separate ego enclosed in a bag of sin is a hallucination which accords neither with Western science nor with the experimental philosophy-religions of the East – in particular the central and germinal Vedanta philosophy of Hinduism. This hallucination underlies the misuse of technology for the violent subjugation of man’s natural environment and, consequently, its eventual destruction.’ Preface to The Book : On the Taboo against Knowing Who You Are (1966).
Education, Work and the Social Distribution of Knowledge
How do you know anything? What is the role of society in that knowledge?
‘Men always love what is good or what they find good; it is in judging of the good that they go wrong.’ Rousseau.
‘If you think you can do a thing or think you can’t do a thing, you’re right.’ Henry Ford
‘Nature knows no indecencies; man invents them.’ Mark Twain
‘Our separate fictions add up to joint reality.’ Stanislaw Lec
‘A person gets from a symbol the meaning he puts into it, and what is one man’s comfort and inspiration is another’s jest and scorn.’ Justice Jackson.
‘The education of moral sensibility with regard to the question of how we should treat others is only part of the story. The other part of the story is the quality of an individual’s own life as he experiences it. Here too the narrative arts have an enormous amount to offer. The idea of making one’s life worthwhile by choosing goals and striving towards them, sometimes deferring present satisfactions in the hope of greater rewards later, demands the imposition of a narrative structure upon it, as if one were the author of one’s own story.’ (Grayling 2003:14)
‘Only by being aware of a rich array of possible narratives and goals to choose from can one’s choices and actions be truly informed and maximally free… exposure to stories – which in part represent possible lives – is a vital ingredient in the ethical construction of an individual’s personal future history.’ (Grayling 2003:14)
‘Liberal education is disappearing in the English-speaking West, as expectations decline and schooling narrows into training focused mainly on participation in the life of the economy. It is worth iterating what a loss this is; for the aim of liberal education is to help people continue learning all their lives long, and to think, and to question. New and challenging moral dilemmas are always likely to arise, so we need to try to make ourselves the kind of people who can respond thoughtfully.’ (Grayling 2003:9-10)
Sir Ken Robinson on Changing Education Paradigms:
Some career advice from Alan Watts:
“What would you like to do if money were no object? How would you really enjoy spending your life?”
People answer poets, writers, ride horses … but you can’ t money that way…
Alan Watts advises to “forget the money”. “Because if you say that getting the money is the most important thing, you will spend your life completely wasting your time: you will do things you don’t like in order to go on living that is to go on doing things you don’t like doing. Which is stupid!”
“Better to have a short life that is full of what you like doing, than a long life that spent in a miserable way. And after all, if you do really like doing what you’re doing, it doesn’t matter what it is, you can eventually … become a master of it … and then you’ll be able to get a good fee for whatever it is … somebody is interested in everything. Anything can be interested you can find others who are… So it’s an important question: what do I desire?”
To finish, little quote from one of my favourites: ‘Philosophy begins in wonder. And, at the end, when philosophical thought has done its best, the wonder remains.’ Alfred North Whitehead
Social Construction of Wealth and Happiness
Wealth isn’t only socially constructed. Neither is poverty. Are wealth and poverty only about stuff? How about being wealthy or poor in time? Or in spirit? Pleasure? Love? Friendship? Does the pursuit of wealth in purely monetary terms cause us more problems than the benefits it brings?
George Carlin on Stuff to start it off:
There are many ways to view the world, each built up by a one’s social environment and upbringing. The social construction of childhood:
‘The world’s most primitive people have few possessions, but they are not poor. Poverty is not a certain, small amount of goods, nor is it just a relation between means and ends; above all it is a relation between people. Poverty is a social status.’ [2]
What do you think of this statement? Is poverty only relational, or are there some absolutes in an availability of resources sense?
The intro to The Gods Must Be Crazy demonstrates colossally different worldviews:
‘We are inclined to think of hunters and gatherers as poor because they don’t have anything; perhaps better to think of them for that reason as free.’[4]
Sidelining the danger of falling into “Noble Savage” idealizations/criticisms (ie recognizing that hunger & gatherer lifestyles have their problems too, and moving on), let us talk briefly about the contrast between common Western lifestyles (40-hour work weeks, sitting on computers) and a couple of alternative lifeways.
‘Hunters and gatherers work less than we do; and, rather than a continuous travail, the food quest is intermittent, leisure abundant, and there is a greater amount of sleep in the daytime per capita per year than in any other condition of society.’[4]
So… what is affluence/wealth?
According to Sahlins, an ‘affluent society is one in which all the people’s material wants are easily satisfied.’
It is interesting to contrast our “Galbraithean” way of life (‘wants are great’ + ‘means are limited’) with the “Zen road to affluence” whereby people can enjoy an ‘unparalleled material plenty – with a low standard of living.’ [1]
Today’s growth/market/consumer-based economy is based on a ‘perpetual disparity’ with ‘unlimited wants’ and ‘insufficient means’. No matter how much “stuff” we accumulate, we always want more. Do you think even the most “wealthy” people in our world today are affluent? How many hours do they work? Are they happy?
Social construction of wealth and happiness: does wealth make us happy?
This order of happiness ‘is not a result to be attained through action, but a fact to be realized through knowledge. The sphere of action is to express it, not to gain it.’ [5] More on happiness: http://www.julietbennett.com/2011/11/06/life-is-a-game-alan-watts-happiness/
I guess there are many different ways to be in the world, and different paths to wealth, health, love and happiness… kinda like there are many ways of interpreting the dots below…

[6]
[2] Ibid. p. 35.
[5] Alan Watts, The Meaning of Happiness: The Quest for Freedom of the Spirit in Modern Psychology and the Wisdom of the East (London: Village Press, 1968). p. iv.
[6] Hiebert, Paul G. (2008). Transforming Worldviews : An Anthropological Understanding of How People Change. Grand Rapids, Mich.: Baker Academic.
Social Constructions of Beauty
“Anata wa chisai atama!” You have a small head! — a compliment in Japan. So much to the extent that some Japanese wear a five-pound Small-Face-Make-Belt around the head while sleeping. Apparently it helps your head shrink over time. A good example of the role of society in constructing one’s idea of beauty.
Behind “beauty”:
Ok, so beauty isn’t only an idea constructed by society. It’s hard to dispute that Victoria’s Secret models are beautiful.
But… would they have been beautiful in the 50s?
A (very) brief, limited and generalized history of beauty:
- 16th Century – flat chest, 13-inch waist
- 17th Century – large bust and hips, white complexion
- 19th century – tiny waist, full hips and bust
- 1920s – slender legs and hips, small bust
- 1940s & 50s – hourglass shape
- 1960s – lean, youthful body with long hair
- 1970s – thin, tan
- 1980s – slim but muscular, toned
- 1990s – heroin chic
- 2000s – thin bodies with large breasts
What are some of the differences between a Marilyn Monroe & a Kate Moss?
Following that song, it is interesting to consider how society constructs our ideas about wealth? And love, which I will post on soon…
How do our stories about beauty, wealth and love impact our experience of happiness?
Poking Fun at Society’s Stories
Today I’m looking at the Social Construction of Reality
How does society construct our reality?
Comedians do a good job at pointing it out…
George Carlin: The American Dream
Chris Rock: Can White People Say Nigger?
Eddie Izzard: Do you have a flag?
Philosophy and Poetics: Aristotle
‘All human beings by nature desire knowledge.’ Opening sentence of his book Metaphysics. For Aristotle, it is the desire for knowledge at root of what it is to be human. Aristotle wrote on Ethics, Politics, Poetics, Physics and Metaphysics. This gives you a funny introduction, but by no means gives a good overview of his work.
In the study of narrative, which is one of the key topics of my research, it is Aristotle who, the deconstruction and analysis of the components of narrative is often credited. These are my notes from Poetics[1]. It’s only a short book, so it may be better to read it for yourself… but to give you a taster, here are some of the terms and ideas about which Aristotle writes…
Tekne = craft, skill or art. Aristotle defines tekne as a ‘productive capacity informed by an understanding of its intrinsic rationale.’ ‘For Aristotle, the evolution of human culture is in large part the evolution of tekhne.’ Tekne includes:
- necessities
- recreational arts – improve quality of human life
- philosophy – sense of wonder
Poets must project themselves into the emotions of others. It requires nature talent or even a touch of insanity. Metaphor – require the ability to perceive similarities – something natural gift that can’t be taught. Aristotle analyses tragedy, and in particular the Homeric poems.
Some key terms and ideas:
- Plot – ordered sequence of events; the ‘imitation of the action’; Stories have a beginning, middle and end; an ordered structure with ‘connected series of events: one thing follows on another as a necessary consequence’; a self-contained series of events ie closure ‘at both ends, and connected in between.’
- Actions – performed by agents
- Agents – with necessary ‘moral and intellectual characteristics’, ‘expressed in what they do and say’
- From this we deduce character and reasoningare constituent parts
- Character is ‘that in respect of which we say that the agent is of a certain kind’
- Reasoning is ‘the speech which the agents use to argue a case or put forward an opinion’
- Reasoning comes from two factors: whether I am honest, and how I interpret the situation.
- Rhythm – diction and lyric poetry ‘Rhythmical language is tragedy’s medium; it is a means to tragedy’s end, that end being the imitation of an action.’
- Spectacle – everything visible on stage
- ‘Language is there to help realize the plot’s potential, and in that sense is subordinate and secondary.’
- Praxis – ‘suffering (pathos) is “an action [praxis] that involves destruction or pain” (52b11f)
Furthermore:
- ‘imitation of action- action is an imitation of agents – reasoning – ability to ‘say what is implicit in a situation and appropriate to it
- character – ‘is the kind of thing which discloses the nature of a choice’: goodness; appropriateness; likeness; consistency. ‘since tragedy is an imitation of people better than we are, one should imitate good portrait-painters. In rendering the individual form, they paint people as they are, but make them better-looking.’ Eg ‘Homer portrayed Achilles as both a good man and a paradigm of obstinacy.’
- ‘reasoning refers to the means by which people argue that something is or is not the case, or put forward some universal proposition’
- ‘diction’ = ‘verbal expression’ song and spectacle
- ‘Well-being and ill-being reside in action, and the goal of life is an activity, not a quality.’
- Hamartia ‘includes errors made in ignorance or through misjudgement; but it will also include moral errors of a kind which do not imply wickedness’
Success/failure of stories:
- Astonishment – ability to evoke fear or pity
- ‘purification’ or katharsis
- correct magnitude. Eg ‘it is not enough to juxtapose prosperity and misery; the change from one to another must be the result of a sequence of necessarily connected events.’
- Completeness: ‘a whole is that which has a beginning, a middle and an end. A beginning is that which itself does not follow necessarily form anything else, but some second thing naturally exists or occurs after it. Conversely, an end is that which does itself naturally follow from something else, ether necessarily or in general, but there is nothing else after it. A middle is that which itself comes after something else, and some other thing comes after it.’
- Magnitude ‘they should have a certain length, and this should be such as can readily be held in memory’
- Unity
- Determinate structure – ‘the plot, as the imitation of an action, should imitate a single, unified action – and also one that is a whole.’ ‘if the presence or absence of something has no discernible effect, it is not a part of the whole.
- Universality – ‘poetry tends to express universals, and history particulars’
- visualising the action
- complication and resolution
There are simple plots and complex plots – the later which has a reversal or recognition
- Recognition (anagnorisis) is ‘a change from ignorance to knowledge’ (52a29-31)
- Reversal (peripeteia) is an ‘overturn of expectation’ – ‘change to the opposite in the actions being performed’ (52a22f) – not just a change in fortune, but involves an astonishing inversion of the expected outcome of some action – but not at the cost of a necessary or probably connection’
- the best kinds of recognition arise out of a reversal
- Both ‘reveal that the situation in which character has been acting was misinterpreted’ pxxx
The best kinds of tragic plot have two variables in the change:
- the direction of the change;
- the moral status of the person (who is ideally someone in between being exceptionally virtuous and exceptionally wicked.)
Anthropology and history of poetry
- Origins: ‘imitation comes naturally to human beings from childhood… this is the reason why people take delight in seeing images; what happens is that as they view them they come to understand and work out what each thing is (e.g. ‘This is so-an-so’).48b4
- Homer – composed well and made his imitations dramatic = Iliad and Odyssey
- Comedy – ‘the laughable is an error or disgrace that does not involve pain or destruction.’
- Epic – ‘differ in length, since tragedy tries so far as possible to keep within a single day… whereas epic is unrestricted in time.’
Best kinds:
- First introduction
- First deduction ‘pity has to do with the undeserving sufferer, fear with the person like us’
- Second introduction ‘sufferings arise within close relationships, e.g. brother kills brother… or is on the verge of killing…’ ‘people acting in full knowledge and awareness’ / or ‘terrible deed in ignorance and only then to recognize the close connection’ as in Sophocles’ Oedipus
- Performing action ‘performing the action is second; but it is better if the action is performed in ignorance and followed by a recognition’ p23
- Second deduction
Why the disappearance of epics and tragedy?
In the Introduction to Aristotle’s Poetics, Malcolm Heath says that ‘once the optimum form of anything has been achieved, further development of it is by definition is impossible thereafter, there can only be (at best) a proliferation of different instances of that optimum form… [recognising that] social and institutional factors, as well as individual incompetence, may inhibit the continued realization of the optimum form’ (51b35-52a1, 53a33-5) pxvi.
In other words once something is perfected (be it a movie/story genre, an art form, a business, a relationship, maybe even an state or empire) there is no where to go, and hence the “optimum form” changes and new genres/empires rise.
[1] Aristotle and Malcolm Heath, Poetics (London ; New York, N.Y.: Penguin Books, 1996).
Poetry, Creativity and Storytelling
For my Storytelling class today we experimented with using Spoken Word Poetry to inspire students’ creativity and as a fun way to tell some stories…
Sarah Kay set the scene:
Then I asked students:
1. Write down ten things you know to be true
2. Share and see what you learn from others’ lists (optional)
3. Go outside and write a poem
4. Practice with a friend
5. Share with the class
Result:
Raving success! Using poetry every student shared a story about themselves, their views of the world, experiences of life, childhood, dreams… a VERY inspiring 75 minutes!!!
It’s well worth checking out some others’ poetry from Sarah Kay’s playlist:
http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLDFBC4DBF7976778A
More info on spoken word poetry and Sarah Kay:
http://www.project-voice.net/faq/
http://www.spokenwordnewyork.com/
Life is a Game: Alan Watts & Happiness
I have noticed that in times I’m feeling down, reading or listening to Alan Watts makes me happy again. Why? His deep bellowing laugh and sense of humour? Maybe that’s part of it. But really it’s his philosophy, it just “clicks” with me. It makes me feel good. Life is a game, says Watts. When I hear his words the dramas of my ego disappear into the cosmic drama I’m a playing. I remember that everything I know and think, is just a question of how I am looking at it.
In his book The Meaning of Happiness, Watts recaps the two most common types of books on happiness:
- those that tell us how to become happy by changing our circumstances
- those that tell us how to become happy by changing ourselves
His book falls into neither of these two categories: ‘it is possible in a certain sense to become happy without doing anything about it.’ [1] Watts explains that he sees happiness as ‘not a result to be attained through action, but a fact to be realized through knowledge. The sphere of action is to express it, not to gain it.’ [2]
Happiness, says Watts, starts with total acceptance: a ‘yes-saying to everything that we experience, the unreserved acceptance of what we are, of what we feel and know at this and every moment.’ [3]
It is only when you seek it that you lose it... Like your shadow, the more you chase it, the more it runs away. [4]
Life and happiness is ‘unusually complicated because in fact it is unusually simple; its solution lies so close to us and is so self-evident that we have the greatest difficulty in seeing it, and we must complicate it in order to bring it into focus and be able to discuss it at all. This may seem a terrible paradox, but it is said that a paradox is only a truth standing on its head to attract attention… Nothing could be more obvious and self-evident than a man’s own face; but oddly enough he cannot see it at all unless he introduces the complication of a mirror, which shows it to him reversed. The image he sees is his face and yet it is not his face, and this is a form of paradox.’ [5]
In The Nature of Consciousness Watts explains that in his philosophy ‘there is no difference between the physical and the spiritual. These are absolutely out-of-date categories. It’s all process; it isn’t ‘stuff’ on the one hand and ‘form’ on the other. It’s just pattern– life is pattern. It is a dance of energy. And so I will never invoke spooky knowledge. That is, that I’ve had a private revelation or that I have sensory vibrations going on a plane which you don’t have. Everything is standing right out in the open, it’s just a question of how you look at it.‘
We are expressions of The Transcendent playing a game of hide and seek with Itself:
‘You have seen that the universe is at root a magical illusion and a fabulous game, and that there is no separate “you” to get something out of it, as if life were a bank to be robbed. The only real “you” is the one that comes and goes, manifests and withdraws itself eternally in and as every conscious being. For “you” is the universe looking at itself from billions of points of view, points that come and go so that the vision is forever new.’ [6]

Chicago, Rednecks & Reading the Signs
Forty minutes into the 12-hour drive to Chicago I was yelling “STOP!!!” with my hands on the dashboard and a frozen car getting closer and closer BANG!!!!!! We hit. The car crumbled. Totalled. Thanks to some guardian angels that (thank God) seem to follow me around the world, no one was hurt.
The next thing I knew I was in the front seat of a cop car. Not in trouble for anything, I’m way too goody goody for that. The cop gave us a lift to the car wrecker yard in a town sporting a single taxi, who was out of town for the next couple of hours.
Desperate to get back on the road, and with the nearest car rental shop still 40 minutes away, we paid a stranger to take us – a dude with a neck wider than his head, and a belly so big it had its own gravitational pull.
About 10 minutes into the drive he looked in his rear view mirror. Seeing my ghost white face he said, “A-I-scar’in-ys?” pronouncing only the vowels. Is he scaring me?
“Nooooo,” I stammered as he almost ran up the back of another car. His truck broke down twice. It was hunting weapons in the backseat that scared me the most. “He’s seen our iPhones. God please don’t let this redneck’s friends come rob and kill us…”
We made it to the rental shop. By this time I was so completely anxious and emotionally tied up in knots that I wasn’t sure I wanted to keep going. Another 11 hours on these highways seemed like a death wish.
So many bad things have happened on this trip, from the scooter in Greece to this car accident, and many things in between. I’m struggling to “read the signs”. Is The Universe telling me go home? Or challenging me to push through?
I pushed through. So long as I was the one driving, I felt ok. When someone else took the wheel I kept my eyes on the road and on the maniac truck drivers, and prayed many-a prayers. I was a backseat driver from hell, but we made it to Chicago in one piece. I had a great time roaming about the city, university, eating and drinking with my new Latino friends, shopping in Macys, protesting Wall St (yes, I do see the irony)…
Two days later flew to meet my Dad in DC. I was relieved not to have to drive back to Hickory on the highways, at least not for a few days yet…

















